SASS FROM THE STARS - MAY 2021
It’s NZ Music Month – a time of singing, dancing, headbanging and twerking. But before you start squawking at the top of your lungs and convulsing on the dance floor, the stars have just the advice you need to find your groove.
TAURUS
A spring in your step and a song in your throat – the stars can tell you’re feeling yourself, Taurus. But despite it being Music Month, the stars want you to stop belting out Stan Walker anthems and just listen. That song in your throat is more like a frog.
GEMINI
May is looking to be a powerful time for manifesting, Gemini. Between that well deserved raise and your Uber Eats arriving hot, things are shifting in your favour. So the stars say crank some Shapeshifter and cut shapes on the dance floor.
CANCER
Change is on the horizon, Cancer. An exciting job opportunity? Fresh makeover? Getting dumped? Only the stars know… but whatever’s coming, it’s for the best. The stars recommend Teeks to get you through the breakup. Oops, I’ve said too much.
LEO
The universe is clearly out of whack. You haven’t been putting up a fight at all lately, Leo. The stars say you’re here to raise hell and keep those other zodiacs in line! Time to blast ‘Don’t forget your roots’ on repeat until you remember who you are.
VIRGO
Oh Virgo, you’ve been ever so angsty lately. Brooding in your bedroom, wearing black every day, yelling “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD” at strangers – it’s all so confusing. The stars say Anika Moa’s ‘Songs for bubbas’ is the perfect soundtrack to snap out of it.
LIBRA
For such a social star sign, you sure dodge people like a pro. Flaking is nothing new for you, Libra – but the stars aren’t buying “my chinchilla is sick”. And neither are your friends. Time to face the music and blast some classic Kiwi party starters.
SCORPIO
Something’s been weighing heavily on your heart lately, Scorpio. And not just yesterday’s hefty lunch. The stars say you HAVE to let it go. No one’s going to care that you cancelled your gym membership. Lighten up with some sweet, sweet L.A.B.
SAGITTARIUS
Poor Sagittarius. You’ve been working hard and are long overdue a holiday. Unfortunately, the stars just don’t see that happening. You’re way too broke after buying that at-home infrared sauna. Blast Katchafire to be transported to the islands.
CAPRICORN
Wow Cap, you’re really showing your age lately. Bed before 9 every night, yelling at skaters in the park, watching regular TV instead of ‘OnDemand’ – the stars aren’t surprised. You are an old goat after all. But it’s nothing SACHI can’t fix.
AQUARIUS
Typically, you keep it together in all situations, Aquarius. But lately, you’ve been super awkward and it’s hard to watch. The stars say Ladi6 will help you reclaim your cool. But for you *Jeremey*, the stars prescribe ‘Slice of Heaven’ on repeat. Forever.
PISCES
Why so serious, sweetie? You’re particularly focused at the moment, and it’s making you a bore. Screw those mindfulness books you’ve been reading. The stars say a Pisces is at their best when dreaming of another world. Benee will take you there.
ARIES
You’ve got the eye of the tiger this month, Aries - and you’re taking no prisoners. Especially at last night’s potluck dinner. The stars have never seen one person demolish an entire roast so quickly. Bic Runga is sure to soothe your indigestion.
After years of cringing at those spasms you call dance moves, the stars hope they’ve helped you find your groove. Now let the music take you. Hit the D-floor, karaoke booth or shower like no one’s watching. Even though the stars definitely are…
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