SASS FROM THE STARS - JUNE 2021
Felt the power of May’s supermoon? Same. The stars witnessed break ups, benders and big regrets. But, it’s not over yet. Mercury is entering retrograde and another supermoon is on its way. Brace yourselves. The storm starts NOW.
GEMINI
Yay birthday month, Gemini! As the most social of the Zodiacs, you have big hopes for a day of friends and fun. Unfortunately, the stars predict neither. In this weather, no one wants to leave the house. So a lazy text is the most you can expect. Sorry.
CANCER
Yikes, Cancer. Cheaters never win. Whether it’s a simple board game, round of mini golf, or 5-year relationship – someone always gets hurt. The stars say step away from the Monopoly board. Put down the club. And PLEASE delete Tinder.
LEO
Oh Leo, your poor pride. Rejection is hard enough. But your parents completely snubbing you at the supermarket must really sting. The stars feel for you bud. SURPRISE. They aren’t your real parents anyway. So no hard feelings, right?
VIRGO
“A place for everything and everything in its place.” Whoever said that must’ve been a Virgo. But alas my painfully uptight and organised friend – the stars see total disorder arriving this month. It’s your mother-in-law, she’s coming to stay.
LIBRA
You sure know how to play it modest, Libra. But the stars know all. That head is growing bigger by the second! Time to sit back and eat some humble pie. But not too much. Your tummy has been getting bigger lately too. Feeling humble yet?
SCORPIO
While always fierce, you’re actually pretty forgettable, Scorpio. Ooosh, was that hard to handle? The stars say it’s not what you say – it’s what you don’t. Always thinking, never revealing. Just be honest with us. The tears will be worth it.
SAGITTARIUS
Ah winter. A time of snuggling up and hunkering down. Or so you thought, Sagittarius. Last month, you offended your lovers and loved ones left, right and centre. So before you enjoy the cosiness of the colder months, get down and grovel.
CAPRICORN
You’re on the fence this month, Cap. Go vegan/don’t. Get a mullet/don’t. Confront your racist neighbour/don’t. The stars find it infuriating! Go on. Save the cows, chop your locks and call out that nasty bigot, Jillian once and for all. Take action now!
AQUARIUS
The past has been plaguing your thoughts this month. The stars say it isn’t doing you any good, Aquarius. Ease up on yourself – we all have regrets, just relax. Except you, *Jeremy*. Keep stewing in it until the remorse kicks in. I’ll be waiting for my apology.
PISCES
Look at that twinkle in your eye, Pisces. You’re in L O V E and you can’t hide it. But on closer inspection, the stars are less convinced it’s love and are leaning more towards a wicked-strong strain. Either way, get some eye-drops.
ARIES
And the Oscar goes to… Aries – for a standout show calling in sick last week. Hmmm, the stars didn’t buy it and neither did your boss. These days, “I have a cold” works far better than food poisoning. And those gross sound effects were totally overkill.
Taurus
The stars see travel on the cards this month, Taurus. What will it be? Bursting the bubble in Australia? Causing a ruckus in the Cook Islands? Road tripping the South Island? Sorry, looks like it’s Hamilton. Check out the gardens while you’re there.
Eek. If you thought last month was gnarly, you ain’t seen anything yet. Luckily the stars were able to give you a heads up on what’s coming. You’re welcome :-)
LIKING SASS?
Get more stuff like this, monthly with Hunchmail.