SASS FROM THE STARS: A NEW DECADE

See 20/20 with the stars

Well, we’re nearing the end of 2019. And compared to other years (specifically 2017), this was an absolute cracker. Now, with a new decade looming, it’s time to see what’s in the stars for 2020.

Sagittarius

2020 is the year of freedom for you Sagittarius. Let go of your baggage and live the life you’ve always wanted. If you’ve been considering a cheeky affair, this could be the perfect year. In fact you may even be doing your significant other a favour. They’ve always been a little out of your league.

Capricorn

2020 will be a year of calm and tranquillity for you Capricorn. You’re tired of the rat race. And the rats are tired of you too. This year is a good one to take a long vacation, somewhere tropical, warm, far away from your loved ones. They deserve a break. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or something.

Aquarius

2020 is set to be a year of change for you Aquarius. Out with the old and in with the new. Donate your old clothes (they don’t fit you anymore). Kick your lover to the curb (before they beat you to it). And for goodness sake, change up that ‘mom-bob-cut’ you’ve had since the noughties (I’m looking at you Jeremy).

Pisces

2020 will be a year of adventure for you Pisces. You’re finally brave enough to open up to new experiences and explore unchartered seas like the free fish you are. Whether it’s a trip somewhere exotic, an untapped passion for parkour or a steamy threesome, the sky’s the limit this year.

Aries

2020 will be all about balance for you Aries. For someone so full of fire, this is a year of keeping things cooler. The stars aren’t saying you can’t go wild. In fact, they love seeing you unleash your inner animal in the club. But maybe try swapping out your usual cocktail for a vodka kombucha combo. Get on that probiotic buzz.

Taurus

2020 is ‘apparently’ about keeping things steady for you Taurus. *Snore.* For some reason the stars have little faith that you can handle much excitement. Here’s an idea Taurus – prove them wrong. Stop collecting stamps and create your own excitement. This could even be the year you finally try sushi. Go wild!

Gemini

2020 will be a year of pacing yourself Gemini. These last few have absolutely flown by. You’ve aged twice as quickly as everyone else. It’s time to focus on a thorough hydration routine. The stars say garden snails work wonders. Just place a few on your face before bed and wake up with a gorgeous, natural glow.

Cancer

2020 is the year to power up Cancer. You will be absolutely peaking, so be sure to make the most of it. Wear a suit when you’re grocery shopping. Treat yourself to some AirPods. Maybe even some Doc Martins. You’ve got to make up for your total lack of street cred and sex appeal somehow, right?

Leo

2020 will be full of surprises for you Leo. A promotion you weren’t expecting. An unexpected visit from someone you met overseas yonks ago. You may even finally get to meet your dad’s secret family. Hold back on the salt this year, you need to look after your cardiovascular health with all the shocks to come.

Virgo

2020 is the year of breaking boundaries for you Virgo. Typically calm, practical and even wise – that’s all out the window now. The stars see purple hair, pierced bits, maybe even Botox. You won’t even recognise yourself! It’s the perfect chance to fake your own death and start a new life that doesn’t completely suck.

Libra

2020 will be a year of flirting, fluffing and filth, with a line of suitors just waiting to jump your bones. What’s new? But it’s not all fun and games. Commitment may also sneak up on you and before you know it, you’ll be trapped! Not to worry, this new lover has a fat wallet. And we all know that’s all you care about.

Scorpio

2020 will leave you absolutely shook Scorpio. Whether it’s getting fired for what went down at the work Christmas party or disowned by your grandparents for what happened at the family gathering, or dumped over that awkward dinner with your parents-in-law – you’re about to get dropped. Hard. Sorry sweetie.

Well 2020 looks to be a total shitstorm. Enjoy. Luckily we’ve had a bit of warning so we can get a decent raincoat.