SASS FROM THE STARS - FEB 2021
The Year of the Ox is here. So the stars have been gossiping with Jupiter to get the dish on 2021. After all, her cosmic-cycle rules the Chinese Zodiac. The good news? Less global drama. The bad news? There’s plenty. Let’s get into it.
RAT
Unlike the rest of us, 2020 was your year, Rat. As you spread your vile-vermin-vibes all over the place – chaos ensued. It wasn’t all your fault. But the stars say this year is all about getting back in the world’s good graces. And improving your hygiene.
1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
OX
After years of carrying your department, it’s time for pay-off, mighty Ox. This is your year! However, don’t think you can rest on your hefty laurels. The stars say you’ll have to put your back into it even more. Rest assured, you’ll be banking it. Big time.
1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
TIGER
Hibernation? The stars know a Tiger would NEVER. So after stacking it on in last year’s misery – you’re committed to levelling up your lifestyle in 2021. Get ripped, go out more, maybe rock a Miley mullet? Tigers can pull off absolutely anything, darling.
1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
RABBIT
Last year was a great teacher. And you, Rabbit, were an even better student. Now the stars say it’s time to put your learnings to work. Whether it’s launching a sourdough bread bakery, or opening a tantric yoga studio, stop twitching and start thriving.
1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011
DRAGON
Noble and mesmerising Dragon – it’s time to spread your wings and fight the patriarchy. Who cares if your skin’s scaley and your horns are different sizes? You can breathe fire for goodness sakes! The stars say get ready to burn it all to the ground.
1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012
SNAKE
The stars know you’ve been sitting on some winning ideas for years now, Snake. 2021 is the year to shed whatever’s holding you back and slither towards your dreams. Maybe you’ll even work through that ssstrong lisssp? But no pressure. It sssuits you.
1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013
HORSE
Giddy-up Horsey! It’s time to look deep within your horsey heart and work through those traumas from your pony-hood. The stars say it’s the only way to take the reins and gallop ahead in your career, social life and weekly belly dancing class.
1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014
GOAT
Everyone’s been getting your goat lately. And while typically known for your kind, docile nature – the stars say that’s all out the window this year. And they’re totally here for it. Enough is enough. It’s time to be heard, stamp your feet and lock horns.
1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015
MONKEY
Once again, this will be another year of effortless coasting. You’re blessed that way, Monkey. The stars say watch out for the haters. Not every animal in the zodiac is amused by your care-free pranks. But that’s the beauty of it. You simply don’t care.
1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016
ROOSTER
Puffed up chest. Feathers pruned. A song in your throat – you’re starting the year off right, Rooster. And your followers love to see it. But the stars say you’re addicted to Insta and it’s making you cocky. Why not take a break? Time to humble yourself.
1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017
DOG
Buckle-up pup, 2021 is going to be HUGE. Lucky you’re filled with energy, ready to chase down every opportunity that comes-a-knocking. The stars say, remember to mark your territory as you go. There are copy-cats everywhere these days.
1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018
PIG
Step aside Wolf of Wall Street. This year it’s the Pigs who are getting richer. With your hooves on the pulse and your snout in many pies – you’re bound to be rolling in it. The stars say it’s time to grab your suit and tie, then download Sharesies.
1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019
Chinese New Year or not, the stars have to call it how they see it. Luckily, the Year of the Ox is all set to be a banger. Unless you’re a Rat. You’re still in the dog box from last year.
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